Who I am as a person, with all honesty… I can’t seem to put it all into words. I don’t think anyone can describe themselves fully to anyone, because they don’t even know who they are themselves. I feel like people are like clouds, always changing shape. Sometimes they’re calm and sometimes they’re dangerous. But until they find a place where they are truly happy, then they are sure to cause trouble. Bearable trouble, like rain. So I guess I will start by stating what makes me happy.
I guess I can say that I’m one of those people who knows what they want out of life. I know exactly what makes me happy and I think I’ve said it many times enough for everyone to know as well. I like to travel. I like the process of travelling. I like to see how small this big world of ours can be. I like to spend time alone and when I do, it’s reading or writing. That leads me to books. I love books and whenever I want to show someone that I love them, I usually give them a book. Sometimes they read it, and sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter, as long as they have it. It’s like giving them a part of me, really. I’m not innocent though. I also like to smoke and drink and imagine sex in my head. So I might as well add that onto the list.
The person I want to be is someone whom another can feel comfortable being around. One thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need anyone to want me and I don’t care if I am unwanted at all. That is the honest truth. To me, it is too tiring to always try to meet up with people’s expectations. I don’t care to be cool or awesome or anything at all. I already know enough people like that. I guess to simply put it, I wouldn’t mind if you ask me for a couple bucks for cigarettes. Or if you crash at my place and kick your feet on my coffee table. I wouldn’t mind if you use my Netflix account. And I certainly wouldn’t care on how you cut your hair or wear your clothes or if you’re missing an arm. That is what I mean. Did it make sense? I just want to be someone who is free and make others around her feel free as well.
And if you’ve read this far then I want to let you know that I really don’t know where I am going with this. I just lost something really important to me and I am trying to change my perspective from “I have nothing” to “I am starting off fresh” and setting my priorities straight. I kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I got drunk last night and I was thinking while I was in the car, and I was thinking while I was on my bed, and waking up, I was still thinking. All this thinking led me to a question, “Who are you?” So that is why I starting writing. And all this writing got me to who I want to be. And I have a phone call so bye.